xurnami: (darash)
[personal profile] xurnami
I've been thinking a bit about the different ways I like to communicate with people. This is somewhat related to the "How to invite me out" post.

When it comes to communication, my comfort level varies depending upon the medium and how many people are involved. Quite a large amount of this comes from upbringing and I recognize that my interaction patterns are not all that great in a number of situations. Part me me writing this down is recognizing those patterns so that people can work with me while I work on fixing those patterns myself.

Instant Messaging/Pages/PMs/DMs/Text Messaging

Instant messaging for me is probably the oddest for me. I am probably the most comfortable with this sort of communication by a mile and I would like to have more people I can share this with. If you are interested in communicating over one of these methods, I have multiple different mediums in my profile here. Feel free to add me and send me a message using them. If there is a medium that is missing, let me know and I'll see if I can add it.

However, I completely understand that this particular form of interaction is by far the most interruptive and one of the things I'm working on is a feeling that I am a bother to other people. That I am putting undue load on other people and one thing that triggers it very strongly is reaching out to people over one of these mediums without someone coming to me first. I can do it but it takes a large amount of energy for me to get over this. I am also awful at figuring out how to start a conversation with someone for the first time unless I have a very good base to work from.

Edit: I should make it very clear that reaching out to me over these mediums is not a bother to me at all. If you want to reach out, please do. I have tools for triage and maintaing conversations with many people at pretty much any time of the day.

As a note, Twitter DMs are something which I put into this category. This might be entirely based upon my usage of them but Twitter DMs are about as intrusive to me as a text message as long as my cell signal is strong. This makes me wary about approaching people over this medium for people I only know through Twitter. If you want to send me a DM and say "Here is a better way to contact me" I would love to hear those.

If I am talking to you in one of these mediums, it is totally fine to tell me that you might be interrupted, need to leave, or anything like that. I can go off on many tangents so if you need me to stop, just say so and I can find something else to do.

I quite often like having a little bit of distraction while I work and light chatting works well for me on that. If that is the case for you too, I'd especially like to hear from you too.


In contrast to all of the above mediums, email is one of my least favorite mediums to work over. Due to the nature of my work and other things, the amount of time I already spend in email for that is quite excessive. As well, being permanent and to a single person makes me paranoid about miscommunications and so I spend quite a bit of energy on any email I send out. This makes email in generally unappealing to me relative to other mediums.

Public Dreamwidth/Twitter Posts

Broadcast mediums like Dreamwidth and Twitter are something which I've found more comfortable recently. Being able to express myself with many words here on Dreamwidth or sharing links or other things I am up to on Twitter is not as stressful to me.

I will admit that some of the gamification of Twitter is affecting my desires around these posts. While Dreamwidth doesn't have anything like a "like" or "+1" button (and is probably better for that), I would appreciate feedback on what I am writing out here. I know it is quite a bit of writing I've been doing lately (for a variety of reasons) and that not everyone can read all of it. But if you did, and you liked it, I would appreciate feedback through other methods. Everything I post publicly here, I make a Twitter post about it too. If you want to use faves there or sending me a message on IM about a post you liked I would appreciate things like that. I am not saying anyone should need to but it would help me if people did give me more feedback.

IRC/MUCK rooms

This would have to be one of the things I am probably missing most at the moment. I grew up on IRC in a number of ways. I used to be on something called the Invisible IRC Project and it was End of Lifed in 2004 to give you an idea of how long I've been using IRC.

I enjoy a particular form of IRC communication that is quite common especially among technical communities which is a psuedosyncronous communication. The many participants in the chat might not all be present at the moment but leaving a message and getting a response a couple hours later is totally reasonable. Twitter shares some of these attributes today but Twitter is definitely not designed the same way as IRC which leaves me wanting for something a little more close knit.

I have been ops for numerous IRC channels in the past but due to some recent blowups and such over a number of them, I am exhausted from that role at the moment. And the IRC rooms that I am looking for (kink and tech related) do not appear to exist or have other more personal issues. If anyone knows of an IRC room that I would fit into, I would be very interested to hear about that.

I have considered some MUCK rooms on Tapestries to try and be like this but either I am finding the wrong ones or the communication patterns just rub me the wrong way. The one closest to my interests is also almost entirely empty all the time.

If anyone has input, places where I would be welcome to join, or just sharing contact information, I would appreciate that.

Date: 10 Dec 2014 05:53 (UTC)
toyemanate: (Default)
From: [personal profile] toyemanate
A ways back I used to be on IRC more. Heh, in my college years when I was supposed to be studying I was often on two IM clients (AIM and ICQ), a MUCK, and several IRC channels.

These days, I don't quite have an attention span the same as I did before. It's been an uphill struggle to even remember to log onto PFMuck more often just to keep in touch with people. The part of IRC that I can't quite keep up on anymore is the requirement to always be in the channel in order to not miss things. Granted, I did not have the knowledge or the technical skills to run a shell account to remain logged into things like that (and still don't). But it's kinda my anxiety at work anyway, worrying about missing things, but not having the bandwidth to be /present/ all the time.

I didn't even know IRC had a mode called 'psuedosynchronous', and that sounds a bit more of interest! I'd rather have a persistent chat that you can stay logged into and occasionally pop in and join conversations.

The other thing I've seen people experiment with is GroupMe, but that has its benefits and drawbacks, and is tough to get a conversation going on if nobody's using it.

Sideways, I'm also always been a little anxious about messaging someone else, even those I know. There's very few people that I'd message all the time without being messaged first. Dunno how to work with that, but it takes me a while to get past--it's a mental thing, looking at many names among my yet-to-be-trimmed IM list. I'm probably going to switch over to a new-name IM anyway, eventually, but in the meantime I can try to be better at poking you for conversation more often. :-}

Date: 10 Dec 2014 06:02 (UTC)
toyemanate: (Default)
From: [personal profile] toyemanate
Other thing I forgot to reply about: I'm with you on the DW stuff--I wish there was better indicators of 'I read and acknowledged this exists' such as +1s on posts, as opposed to having to expend the effort of writing a full comment. I've had similar issues of not knowing whether people are reading things I write or not--probably they are but forgetting to go back and comment when they have time--which is exactly the same thing I'm bad at too.

Forums and journal-spaces are both things I have to work hard at getting back into the interaction mode for. :-/

Date: 10 Dec 2014 06:16 (UTC)
toyemanate: (Default)
From: [personal profile] toyemanate
I guess some of the last posts I made I had under a more-restricted filter...and I didn't want to broadcast to everyone who couldn't see the entry. But that also means many less people saw it, and Twitter certainly seems to be slightly better at getting the word out. *shrugs*

Date: 11 Dec 2014 17:42 (UTC)
tixagon: Happy mawr face ^^ (Distracte)
From: [personal profile] tixagon
Sorry for any confusion, Emante, that reply was meant for Xurnami. ^^;
Edited (Oops!) Date: 11 Dec 2014 17:53 (UTC)

Date: 11 Dec 2014 02:18 (UTC)
xyzzysqrl: A moogle sqrlhead! (Default)
From: [personal profile] xyzzysqrl
"psuedosyncronous" IRC used to irritate me to no end, back when I actually used IRC. Why have a chat window open if you aren't even there?
I still pretty much hold to this, aside from occasionally leaving IMs open when I fall asleep. And even then I feel a need to profoundly apologize to everyone who tried to get my attention while I was in bed.

Date: 11 Dec 2014 17:53 (UTC)
tixagon: Happy mawr face ^^ (Default)
From: [personal profile] tixagon
I share a lot of opinions in common here.

If you use irssi to connect to your irc networks, I may have mentioned this to you (and if I haven't, check this out!):

If you ever want to reach out to me unobtrusively, drop me a PM or just mention me in IRC. My phone will get a notification immediately that I won't be able to respond to directly, which means I'll only pop online to respond if I'm not otherwise occupied.

I'm frequently super busy with life around me and hyper-focused on it to the point at which I sometimes forget to take time to reach out to people I care deeply about -- a category you fit soundly into. I really enjoy your company and would relish the opportunity to spend more time talking with you. <3

I will try to make a point of reaching out more often. ^^

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