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xurnamiI sent out a cry for help this morning on Twitter about how I was close to a mental breakdown and requested hugs. Thank you to everyone who responded yet again. Rather than spamming Twitter more, I decided to write a longer post containing everything on my mind at the moment.
Near term difficulties:
Lack of sleep in Denver culminating in probably 3-4 hours of sleep this morning.
Some elements of Seasonal Affective Disorder and general holiday stress.
Missing one and a half holiday parties due to travel requirements for the Grand Prix.
Today's travel being hellish and being stuck in airports all day.
Short term difficulties:
Still dealing with my break up with Krinn.
Dealing with having hurt someone else close to me due to my own realizations about my sexuality and a lack of compatability around what was desired in a relationship.
Deciding if my goals were misbuilt, especially the one about trying to get better at Magic: the Gathering.
Long term difficulties:
Feeling like the only thing I offer the community around me is my checkbook and the occasional conversation.
Having 20-30 unique people responding to my cry this morning and yet getting next to no response on any of the above posts or many of the other longer things I post.
Fear around trying to be more social and being a bother to the people around me locally or online.
For those wondering, yes, I am in therapy and have been discussing these things with her. They still weigh quite heavily upon me and I had a culmination of things which led to the cry this morning.
I am not sure what I need at this point. But I'd appreciate any advice people have.
Near term difficulties:
Lack of sleep in Denver culminating in probably 3-4 hours of sleep this morning.
Some elements of Seasonal Affective Disorder and general holiday stress.
Missing one and a half holiday parties due to travel requirements for the Grand Prix.
Today's travel being hellish and being stuck in airports all day.
Short term difficulties:
Still dealing with my break up with Krinn.
Dealing with having hurt someone else close to me due to my own realizations about my sexuality and a lack of compatability around what was desired in a relationship.
Deciding if my goals were misbuilt, especially the one about trying to get better at Magic: the Gathering.
Long term difficulties:
Feeling like the only thing I offer the community around me is my checkbook and the occasional conversation.
Having 20-30 unique people responding to my cry this morning and yet getting next to no response on any of the above posts or many of the other longer things I post.
Fear around trying to be more social and being a bother to the people around me locally or online.
For those wondering, yes, I am in therapy and have been discussing these things with her. They still weigh quite heavily upon me and I had a culmination of things which led to the cry this morning.
I am not sure what I need at this point. But I'd appreciate any advice people have.
no subject
Date: 5 Jan 2015 21:07 (UTC)After discussing with some other people, part of the problem is that I only have this as a place to talk about these things since I'm not seeing people in person. Hopefully we can work out something to see one another with more regularity to discuss things like this while avoiding the perils of text.